thesettingsun | Recolle IC Inbox

[He doesn't notice at all. Even when he snaps out of his daze he probably won't realize, it's not like he takes it out to read very often.]

H-how can I help?

[are they just not going to discuss that kiss

like it was an unimportant thing

used as a distraction tactic or something]

[Chuuya, at least, seems to just be carrying right on like it was no big deal. It's just a thing that happened, sorry Shuji.

With the letter safely stowed away, he takes a seat on Shuji's bed, one leg crossed over the other; it's a moment before he speaks, though, hesitating at first.]

I need you to tell me everything you remember about yourself. About Dazai. And... about your Chuuya.

[Shuji's life is hard.]

...I don't know what order all this happened in, but I'll do my best.

My legal name is still 'Tsushima Shuji', I know that much. I was arrested once for communist involvement, so I'm pretty sure I lived between the nineteen hundreds and nineteen forties, since that's when you could get arrested for that. I remember introducing myself as 'Dazai Osamu' in a library.

I know a Nakahara Chuuya, but he doesn't look like you, or sound like you. We met first because someone encouraged me to get a drink with him, and he spent basically the entire time he was drunk terrifying me. I remember talking to him somewhere else - the place with letters in the sky that Koutarou talked about - and I was still scared out of my wits just by him calling out to me.

I fought monsters with a scythe there, that was weird... I had an illegitimate daughter and was married, and the woman who I had that daughter with wasn't the woman who I committed double suicide by drowning with.

And I remember talking to "Akutagawa-sensei" in that place with the sky letters and being five times as intense a fan as I actually am now. Like, actually to the point where I think it's creepy and pathetic.

[That's pretty bad.]

[His expression's neutral at first as he listens, but the furrow in his brow deepens as he listens, corners of his mouth turned further down. It's sort of what he expected, but-]

Shit. Guess it's a good thing I didn't follow through on punching you.

[He huffs out a sigh, fingers combing through his bangs and brushing them back.]

You're... not my Dazai. He never would've been that scared of me. Didn't use a scythe or have a kid or wife or anything, either-- not that I know of, anyway.

[Shuji couldn't picture himself betraying Chuuya, but past selves can be different from present selves - so he'd accepted that what Chuuya was accusing him of was true.

Now he pauses, and hesitantly asks - afraid to get his hopes up-]

So... you don't hate me anymore?

I don't know what's going on. I figured that was it, y'know? But this place is just set on fucking with us.

[and he's just going to flop onto his back with another huff, because why not make himself comfortable if he has to deal with all of this. He'd been so sure at first.]

If you were never actually him, I guess I never really hated you in the first place. It just- seemed pretty straightforward at the time.

It'd be an easy answer, when we don't have any answers. I'm not mad at you, or anything.

[If he hated somebody that much, he might have done the same. Or, well, something similar, he's not good at threats.]

It's not like you could try to hit me or anything if you were.

[He flashes a teasing little grin up at Shuji, there, setting his hat aside and folding one arm under his head. The other fishes in his coat, plucking the envelope out after a moment and handing it over.]

...if you're not my Dazai, then I'm not your Chuuya, either. So- give that to him if he ever pops up here.

[Shuji accepts the envelope, blinking at it for a moment and then glancing to his shelf to confirm that yep, it's not there anymore.]

When did you even-

[...Oh. His expression falls into 'super done'.]

Did you take it when you kissed me so I wouldn't notice.

It was a bingo square, alright, don't look at me like that.

[In other words: yes. Chuuya just shrugs.]

Besides, if it turned out I was your Chuuya, it technically would've been mine, right?

Technically, and I'd have given it to you if you asked.

You couldn't think of any other distraction technique?

[You're playing with his heart, Chuuya.]

What, you didn't like it?

[Chuuya blinks up at him, head tilted. Sure, they made out that one time, but it's not like either one of them is serious, right?]

I think I'm within my rights to be kind of mad that somebody I like kissed me just so he could steal something from me. Bingo square or not.

[Not mad about possibly getting beaten up, mad about getting kissed when Chuuya didn't actually mean it. Okay then.]

I figured it was a distraction you'd at least enjoy, c'mon. Wasn't lying when I said you were cute.

['Somebody I like' raises a couple of concerns, though, and he arches a brow as he props himself up a bit.]

What kind of 'like' are you talking here, exactly.

[Just being called 'cute' turns him pink again, which says more than his actual words do.]

I figured you already knew. I'm not really subtle...

I mean, yeah, you're pretty obvious about being into me. Doesn't always mean somebody wants more than that.

[Another huffed sigh, with a little shake of his head.]

I don't date, though, so I don't want you getting hung up or anything.

Not at all?

[He'd be lying if he said he wouldn't have liked to date Chuuya, but...]

That's alright. I know when to give up on a crush, I'm not going to stalk you or hope you change your mind.

I still think you're really cool, though.

[That won't change.]

Not at all. I know when to give up on shit too, you know?

[He doesn't sound upset about it or anything, though-- it's casual as anything.

That last comment, though, gets a wry little smile in return.]

Trust me, you only think that because you don't know me well enough.

[If he knew what Chuuya had been, what he's planning on doing again-- well. Chuuya's pretty sure that'd be the end of it. He's too nice to take something like that well.]

Then, obviously, you're going to have to let me get to know you better if you want to scare me off.

[A completely reasonable idea that has nothing to do with wanting to get to know him better in general.]

I'm not trying to scare you off, Shuji. You're just better off not getting too involved, alright?

[It's a cute thought, but- that kind of thing is exactly why Chuuya can't tell him.]

Don't get involved with your extremely dangerous bar-owning?

[...No, Chuuya's probably serious about this.]

You know that just makes me worry about you.

Don't worry about me. I'll be fine, I promise.

[He pushes himself up to sit properly again, reaching over to ruffle Shuji's hair a bit before he stands.]

Just trust me on this one, Shuji. You don't want anything more than what we've got right now.

[When he's too worried to properly enjoy Chuuya messing with his hair, it's bad.

Chuuya knows better than he does, and Shuji wants to trust him, but... It's because he's someone that Shuji wants to trust that Shuji doesn't want to leave him alone when he might get involved in something dangerous.]

...Okay. But if you end up in the hospital I'm going to sneak in beer for you.

[This is a hundred percent serious. He will do it.]

Make it wine and you have a deal.

[he's just going to leave out the part where he's more likely to end up in jail than a hospital... you're welcome, Shuji.]

You can call me if you want a hookup or a job, maybe writing critique, but- don't hold out for much more than that.

Wine it is. The best wine I can afford.

[If Chuuya ends up in jail Shuji will just freak out and possibly cry again. Nobody wants that. Don't end up in jail.]

Thanks. I really appreciate that much.

[And then, because he was surprised last time and also was kind of miffed about it being only a distraction thing - he leans in to kiss Chuuya again, very briefly.

There. That's better.]

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